Nigerian women are materialistic.”
“Nigerian women are becoming too woke.”
“Bring back the days of our mothers”.
These familiar statements are recycled across Nigerian social media every two business days. Whether it’s in tweets, TikTok monologues, or Instagram rants, the tug-of-war between Nigerian men and women over what should or should not be in relationships/marriage is never-ending.
But instead of adding to the noise, we decided to listen.
We spoke to five Nigerian men, single and married, across their 20s, 30s, and 40s. We asked them what they want/like in a woman, and their responses were as different as their personalities, but they shared one thing in common: their answers were authentic and rooted in personal experience.)
Let’s hear from them. They are anonymous, of course.
1st Respondent (20s, Single)
He started off with physical attributes.
“Let’s not even go far, I love boobs, I admire it, I appreciate it, I embrace it.”
“So you see that thing of “oh she has good character”, yeah that’s all good, and God bless you and yours, but does the good character have big boobs? No?”
From aesthetics, he bounced off to food. This singular discussion has Nigerian Twitter in a chokehold. He didn’t mince words, he wants a partner who can cook. His list is long: intentional hygiene, strong earning power, good fashion sense, a “feminine voice,” no snoring, and an aversion to “shaking bum bum on the internet.”
“You see me, I am not an understanding boyfriend, don’t shake bum bum for internet people oh, I will not understand it at all, or show cleavage, naa.”)
2nd Respondent (20s, Single)
He is smooth, introspective, and playfully poetic.
“A woman who’s fine (very important), soft (but not too soft), emotionally intelligent, peaceful but assertive, smart but not condescending, sexy but “wife material,” good sense of humour.”
He wants depth. He wants someone who can laugh, build, banter, and cook! This is the voice of a man who has done a bit of self-work and wants emotional compatibility, not just chemistry.
3rd Respondent (30s, Married)
This man came for softness head-on.
“I want a woman who lets me breathe. I want a woman who embodies softness in speech. In attitude.”
He paints the image of a partner who is gentle in speech and demeanour but not a pushover. A woman who respects him, helps him grow, and lets him be, without nagging or unnecessary tension.
“I don’t want a drill sergeant in a woman. I don’t want a doormat.”
He also doesn’t shy away from expressing his sexual preferences:
“A freak in the sheets. I’m not vanilla, so I don’t know what to do with a woman who is.”
Lastly, he drops a wildcard:
“A woman with a wicked face. I dunno how to explain this one. I just like it.”
Sometimes, the heart wants what it wants.
4th Respondent (30s, Married)
He is grounded, measured and reflective.
“Being married has taught me that the things men love about women often aren’t the things we first notice. They’re the ones we come to depend on, feel grateful for, and admire in the quiet, everyday moments.”
He speaks on how desires change with time and how these factors don’t carry the weight of daily life. What he values now are less obvious things: emotional maturity and shared values. He touches on respect in marriage and the much-talked-about “peace” that all men crave.
“You’ll hear many men say, “I just want a respectful woman.” But respect, I’ve learned, isn’t the same thing as submission. Some men confuse fear with respect. My wife respects me, but she also speaks her mind. Men say they want peace, but often we interpret peace as “don’t argue with me.” Real peace, however, comes from understanding each other and not walking on eggshells in your own home.”
The things that mattered when he was unmarried no longer hold the same weight as the intangibles that hold his young marriage together.)
5th Respondent (40s, Married)
He says his wife’s personality has played a huge role in keeping their marriage solid for 11 years.
“She is very committed to the family. You can easily see how she prioritises the interest and welfare of the family in the majority of her decisions. She puts the interests of the kids above everything else.”
He lists qualities like honesty, trust, hard work, and financial and emotional independence. But what stands out most is her unwavering honesty; he’s never had to question her intentions.
“I always know where her head is, and that kind of stability is rare.”
He, however, admits that she lacks on a few fronts.
“With work stress and raising kids, our sex life has taken a dip, barely eight times a month now. I’d like that part of our relationship to be more frequent.”
He added that she is also not really one for house chores. But to her credit, she hired a live-in help to handle that. His last complaint?
” I’d love to eat more of her meals. I do most of the cooking these days, and while I enjoy it, it would be nice to taste more of her food again.”
So, What Do Nigerian Men Really Want?
Clearly, there’s no one-size-fits-all. For one man, it’s breasts, for another, it’s softness, and for someone else, it’s emotional intelligence. But beyond the jokes, you can trace a thread — these men want to feel safe, respected, and seen.
If you’re still wondering what to take from all this, here are the most repeated qualities: be soft, and know your way around a kitchen.
